Hazia’s Reflections

Kasihku
Sampai di sini kisah kita
Jangan tangisi keadaannya
Bukan karna kita berbeda

Dengarkan….
Dengarkan lagu…..lagu ini
Melodi rintihan hati ini
Kisah kita berakhir di Januari

Bridge:
Selamat tinggal kisah sejatiku
Woo….pergilah

Song: Januari

Artist: Glenn Freddy

The year is almost ending. It felt like yesterday when I went out with him that day. He was in town during Chinese New Year 2006. I couldn’t belive that he got the date of our date/s mixed up, especially since he had travelled quite a distance to see me. Of course, that was before I realised his superficial ‘I’m cool’ attitude masked a serious inferiority complex issue. Also, before I knew that ’spontaneous’ also means simply unrealiable and inconsiderate.

Just now, I had news on another January’s date - January 2007. We were on that 1-hour long distance call again (maybe he is rich, hehe). So far, I had assumed that our date was subject to my return date from Haj (to be confirmed). That if I could come back by 10 January, there is a 90% chance of us meeting. Chatting is very different from talking to someone on the phone. From his voice, the tone, the pauses, it hit me that I wasn’t the deciding factor. Hence, the chance of us NOT meeting next month is actually 90%. Yeah, very slim possibility of him squeezing me into his hectic schedule.

He did say that he would be coming back again in March for his sister wedding reception. His schedule would be more free then. Sounded good except that I knew he needed at least 2 dates to decide. Why not meet next month and then meet again in March?

Scenario 1: Maybe subconciously, he didn’t want the bubbles to burst so soon. I may not find him attractive in person or…he may find me dull, etc, etc.

Scenario 2: Maybe it was his natural style. Get in town first and then see what happens. He does have an element of spontaneity; enough to make him unpredictable and exciting but not to the extent of being unrealiable.

Scenario 3: Maybe he is too pre-occupied with his big promotion. Took a certain amount of job commitment, passion and luck to get to where he is that soon. When is the best time to catch a man anyway? When he was already stable in his career? Yeah, right, he would be benefitting from his wife’s continuous support by then:p.

Come what may, it’s time to stack those plushy cushions. I don’t want to come crashing down hard on the concrete floor this time. There will be no broken pieces to pick up, better make sure of it.

P/s: For those who’ve been asking what happened to the other mixed guy - I stopped picking up his calls, ok! Well, not only guys could pull the plug; I could walk out too. And that was the last guy I expect to do that to.