Past Loss
April 23, 2007 by haziamyperspective
‘The five stages in the acceptance of death:
1) Denial – Initial reaction to any loss, that is often accompanied by feelings of isolation and loss.
2) Anger – Occurs when the victim can no longer deny his or her illness or loss.
3) Bargaining – May involve praying, seeking alternative treatments, or promising better behavior in exchange for the death.
4) Depression – Involves a period of grieving for the loss; the situation is sad and the person has the right to be depressed.
5) Acceptance – Involves a coming to terms with the situation without feelings of hostility; allows time for facing reality in a constructive way.
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross~
The last time I lost someone dear to me was when my best friend from university died in 2000.
At that time, we had a ‘misunderstanding’. Probably, we had also outgrown our friendship. However, when we last spoke, she told me she had stomach upset which lasted for 3 days. I merely asked her to see a doctor.
Soon after, I got a job offer in KL while she remained in Kedah. I didn’t return her calls when I first moved (for obvious reasons, of course). Then I became too busy with my new job. We weren’t in touch at all.
Less than 5 months later, she was gone. I didn’t attend her funeral. I only found out from another friend 3 weeks after her death.
She had colon cancer, it was at an advanced stage when it was discovered.
That wasn’t the worst part of it. On her death bed, she confessed one thing to our friend. Her husband of 1 year divorced her to avoid paying the medical bills. She also found out that he had married someone else during their engagement period, without their family knowledge. That made her the second wife.
Furthermore, she had to abort her baby due to the cancer. She was very much alone during her last days. She ignored the doctor’s instructions simply because she had lost the will to live.
And where was I during this period of suffering? Yeah, that is a very good point indeed!
She left me with a lot of question marks. There were so many things that I wanted to ask her, especially on why she didn’t tell me she was going to die. Initially, I prayed to God to let us meet in my dreams when I went to bed at night so we could talk. That never happened.
Naturally, I was overcome by guilt. I don’t think I’ve ever grieved over her death yet, not even until now.
