Hazia’s Reflections

My sincere gratitude to my dearest friend, Simah (http://refcobass1.blogspot.com/2007/04/please-pray-with-me.html), for dedicating an entry on her blog to call for prayers on Ad’s recovery. She said I should hang on to the vision that I had after performing Istiqarahs during my Haj recently.

I smsed Al this morning asking if it would be posibble to meet up today. I know Ad didn’t clue him much about me and he was still puzzled about our ‘relationship’. I felt like I owed Al an explanation and it was the right thing to do now.

Sure, we both insisted that we were just friends. However, from the time Al received my smses for Ad from Mecca, he already suspected that we were more than that.

Unfortunately, Al is not free today. I guessed he had to shoulder the heavy responsibility of sharing the news with Ad’s family and friends. It was even more tough for him without the details. Ad’s mother’s 2 smses didn’t mention ‘malaria’, it only said ’semi-paralyzed’ and ‘coma’. ‘Malaria’ he learned from me.

I read a bit more. Coma can occur in either severe malaria cases or…not severe malaria cases, but merely from hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) caused by quinine. I knew Ad was on that medication. Normally, coma recovery period ranged from 17 to 48 hours.

Now I see why Ad was adamant that his parents only received negative news concerning him directly from him or from Al. Total strangers could be thoughtless and that puts his parents through a lot of unnecessary agony. Imagine what they had to endure on the long flight from KL to Houston.

Since they are on the way, maybe we won’t get any more updates until they arrived tonight. His sister and brother in law who lived in New York were already by his bedside.

My friends are divided on whether I should fly there and see him for the first time. I’ve decided not to go for 2 reasons:
1) I’d  drop my work if need be. I have not budgeted for this tapi duit boleh cari. However, the core issue was that I’d have to quickly alert my parents since they don’t know of us. I know that would be really complicated.

2) Al has to alert Ad’s parents as they also don’t know of us. They are in so much pain as it is. I don’t want to add an extra element into an already complex situation. Why create another problem? They would have lots of question marks about me, a recent part of their eldest son’s life that he chose not to share with them (yet). That won’t be good at all.

3) In approaching matters of the heart, Ad is a sceptic while I am a hopeless romantic. Nevertheless, we both agreed that no matter how close we are and how in love we appear to be, we wouldn’t call this a relationship until we meet in person. Yes, his last words to me were ‘I love you’ but at this stage, my presence is his life is still virtual. I’m adopting one of his cautious philosophies here - ‘Don’t jump the gun!’

Before Ad was sick, he did ask me to go ahead and meet his parents first. And I will meet his parents in the near future, Insyaallah, just not under this condition.

Last but not least, some of my closest friends’ reactions to this news were shocking. Some of them had always been doubtful of Ad’s motives but suggesting that any human being would be cold and heartless enough to stage all this was uncalled for. One even cruelly said, ‘looks like the story would end soon.’

May the bubbles dance again…may he returns to me… Insyaallah.

p/s: Today marks the first anniversary of my blog.