Hazia’s Reflections

Every Raya, my mother would bake her signature mocha upside down fruit cake. It’s not very sweet because my father is diabetic but nevertheless, everybody loves it.

For the last few years, it has become a trend for her to bake me another small cake to take to the office. This was done after Raya so the cake will remain fresh and last for another week. A day before Syawal, I roughly mentioned the cake. I thought of giving the cake to someone else instead of bringing it to work. She beat me to it.

As if reading my mind, my mother said ‘Oh, you want to give one to your friend." And bear in mind I didn’t even need to clarify which friend she was referring to.

We talked a lot about him while I was back at my parents’ house. My mother said she should also play a part. Maybe the next time we dine near his boutique (which is often), I should spontaneously asked him to join us. Funny, but I was about to propose that. She seemed to think that he was interested in me but just didn’t have the guts. She said there must be a reason why we were suddenly reunited after all these years.

Okay, back to the cake. It was a whole cake in a tupperware but only just now, I realised that there was a ‘gap’. My brother has cut and eaten 2 pieces, LOL!

So, I brought it to him at the boutique just now. We agreed to meet at 8.30pm. As usual, he was late. Already expecting that, I had dinner nearby and didn’t go there until it was 8.45pm and I still had to wait for him. His sister was there, she was happy to see me as always. Her husband who was working in Dubai was back in town. She would follow him in December. They would need someone to replace her at the boutique.

His sister and him were happy with the cake, he was diabetic too, so it was perfect. Unfortunately, he also had bad news, he couldn’t be able to accompany me to my German’s ex-colleague’s wedding in early November, his cousin was getting married then.

His partner seemed agitated. Kebaya Man and him were supposed to meet someone and he was very late for that. He was always late for everything but I’ve never seen his partner that angry before. He still had time to go home, have dinner first and change into casual clothes though, his mother was in town.

That also meant that I only got to talk to him for a brief 10 minutes before he announced that he had to go. Did he really believe that I’d go all the way there just to deliver a cake? Do I look like a courier service?

To make matters worse, the air-cond wasn’t working, it was really warm. He said that his mother was there earlier and she didn’t have a good feeling about the place. His sister felt it immediately too. They could sense this kind of things. Probably the ’supernatural’ affected my mood too but I didn’t think so.

I quickly picked up my stuff and left without salaming with him again. I bumped into his sister while I was crossing the road to take a cab back home. She was shocked to see me leaving so soon. I told her he had a meeting.

That was very disappointing, so much trouble for nothing. It also raised an alarm in my head. Yellow light! It’s time to pause and explore other options.

No doubt, everytime I initiated something, he’d fly the kite high. But I’d still have to take the first step, it won’t be long before I get tired of it altogether. Macam hidung tak mancung, pipi tersorong-sorong.

Am I attracted to him and like being with him OR merely I like being at his boutique, with the atmosphere, his sister’s company and all?

Do I like him as more than a friend OR do I think that he is the ideal choice?

Am I following my heart OR my head?