Hazia’s Reflections

Oh boy! Another drama happened on Monday evening. And I learned something important about myself.

Mr Designer’s boss aka my friend wanted to have lunch with me but her car broke down so he had to fetch her and ended up accompanying us. It was damn awkward. I sat facing her, he was about to sit next to me when she asked him to sit next to her - so they both would face me, the client. She whispered to me (when he went out for a smoke) what transpired between them earlier that day. He confronted her and they thrashed out everything. So, he took my advice. She was really impressed with him, said that he handled it like a Mat Salleh.

After that, she went for prayers and left us alone, yeah, I asked her for some time with him. The moment she was gone, he moved to sit opposite of me. His body language changed completely, he became very relaxed. We arranged plans to go out on Friday and Saturday. I told him I was going back to my hometown for early Ramadan. He offered to send me to the airport; Man, at 4.00am? That would be nice. He said so that we could talk some more

However, the flow of event that evening threw me off. I was having dinner with an old friend at KLCC when he called. He said he just want to chat. Really? That’s surprising, since we’d just met up that day. I told him that I would call him when I get home. I did an hour later.

He just went straight to the point. Apparently, he wanted to ask me for a favour, yeap, in cash. He was going move into a new place end of the month and he needed cash for deposit and 3-month rent. He was expecting income starting from next month and could pay me back within 3 months. The worst part was that he wanted an answer the same night, he couldn’t even wait till the next morning. He needed to move to other options fast if I couldn’t help. I felt pressured. Naturally, I freaked out, totally. Was that why he was being so nice?

He sounded shocked that I didn’t react well to that. I said I’d wished he’d asked me in person, not over the phone. He picked up on that. Since I’d rather he did it in person, he would come over. Man! It was already past 11pm.

The amount was significant, but not substancial. I could easily give it to him, but… that was so not like me. When it comes to money, I’ve never been deceived before. And like him as I did, we’d only known each other for more than a week.

I called my friend. I said I knew what all my other friends would say. She questioned me that what made me think that she would say anything different. Man, the fact that I was even considering it was foolish. And she mentioned that giving a smaller portion is also a bad idea. It may trigger him to ask again in the future. He advice was clear-cut, try saying ‘No’ and see what happens. Yeah, I was prepared to lose him.

While waiting for him, I performed Solat Istiqarah once. He came and we took off to Bangsar, Jolly Green. Getting into his car didn’t make me feel good. My defense mechanism came on and he sensed it.

Well, to cut a long short, we talked. He reluctantly told me his problem, claiming that it was not as bad as I thought. He has exhausted other options before getting to me. He’d rather live on the street than burden his parents.

The house that he and his friends are renting belongs to his ex-fiance’s father. It is located next door to her family home, so he bumps into her often. He couldn’t take it anymore. Her father kept sweet-talking him into going back to her. The old man wanted him to work with him, he had several companies. He wasn’t trained for that, he is a creative guy. And he told him that his ex-fiance and him would probably end up killing each other. LOL!

Anyway, he admitted that he was totally unprepared by my reaction. He had no clue how badly I would be affected by his request. He knew I was already having bad ideas about him. That was why he insisted on meeting up immediately, to clear the air.

I told him that I’m normally the last person people come to for help, especially when it comes to money. And if you take emotion out the equation, the fact is I’d be giving pure cash to a guy I’ve just met. Can I be anymore foolish than that?

I think perhaps we come from different worlds, or he is just immature in some areas. Or perhaps he felt comfortable enough to ask me. He said when he was financially stable years ago, he used to help friends out all the time. While he doesn’t understand my principle, he respects it.

He finally asked me to drop the matter and change the conversation to other lighter topics. He said he shouldn’t have asked me in the first place. There was no point of losing me over a stack of cash. I told him that that didn’t mean that I would never help him; if we get serious, of course I would.

Interestingly, he said he learned 2 things about me: 1) I don’t trust people (which made him wonder what have I been through) and 2) I am airtight when it comes to sticking to my principles.

And I also learned 2 things about myself: 1) I could be damn COLD when I chose to, we’re talking about a guy I’m really fond of here and the cash amount is not even that big. 2) I’m no longer a hopeless romantic when it comes to love. I have turned into a pessimist. This guy seems to good to be true and I keep on thinking ‘what’s the catch?’ Well, none so far:)

And… sigh… I lost sleep again. It was already 3.00am when he sent me home. Nevertheless, I was really glad that he came over to talk:)